A change in the offering - this was during the triggering days

This was written some 8 months back, at a time when i was not yet initialized into the blog world..
So now its clear as to why i am making a move...



I really really dont know what i am doing here. Do i feel nice to work here?. "No", my inner voice answered. Do i feel happy about the work i am doing here?. Again the same two letter answer. Do i feel happy about my supervisors attitude here?. Again the same two letter answer.Strange. Just one year back, i was the most happiest working in this very same organisation and under the very same supervisor. Has things changed so much in one year?This makes me think that maybe, just maybe, its not really the organisation or the work or the supervisor that is the real problem. Maybe its MY outlook that is blurred. But, is it?I am not a egotistical moron to think that, if something is wrong, then its with those around me, and never with me. This self-introspective character, inculcated in me by my parents have held me in good stead in my life till now."If you are not happy with your current state of affairs, look around you and then look within you. Decide what needs to be changed and then act. Most probably, it will be your outlook which you will need to widen", my parents had taught me.No wonder, they say that wisdom comes mostly from experience.so let me put that into practise.What is that in my behavior, what prompts my supervisor to think that i crib a lot about my work?Two minutes, five minutes gone by. My creative and imaginary mind fails to come up with a reasoning. So does that mean that i am not in fact cribbing and just that my supervisor does not like me?Well, again NO!! Because often, we are not very good assessors of our own behavior. Right. So i go on about talking to my friends about my "crisis" (For lack of a better word). Surpise, surprise!!. This time i found out that my vision window did not need any widening. It was not narrow! So, i was not wrong in feeling "sick"!.Time to make a decision. "What's so difficult about this? Just change job!!". This, from my wife who has simple solutions to all complex problems.I wouldn't be honest with myself if i profess that, that particular thought has never crossed my mind. But, why was it that i was so reluctant to consider switching jobs, when all my friends were so comfortable with contributing to the attrition rate of their companies?Well, this question, i had asked myself several times and found the answer too. Its just that, this was the company, which had taken me fresh from college and made me the person i am today."So what? This is what happens to everybody. Why do you have to be so sentimental", asks my inner voice.(this one is the bad one. Yes, we have two inner voices, the good one and the bad one!.)Well, "why am i so sentimental?", this is one of the questions, which i plan to ask my maker, when i get to meet him. Or is it a her? Hmm, interesting thing to debate, but later!So, whats the next available solution? "Talk with your supervisor about your problems". That was my logical analytical software-engineer's mind speaking.Hey, but thats the problem. Whatever i speak with my supervisor, it is taken as cribbing. If i have any personal problems and speak it out,then i have "too many constraints". If i am not happy with the duration of my project (which i had every reason not to be happy), then i was "not flexible".All these, i agree, are problems which, every software engineer has to face at some point in their careers.So, i come to the conclusion that there are only two ways infront of me. These two ways,albeit difficlut for me to tread, i had, but no choice.First one was to follow my wife's method. I swear to myself that this will be my last option.The second one is so vey easy to say and so much difficult to put in practise. To do my work, without actually enjoying it, to do whatever is expected out of me, without putting even the least effort to find joy in what i am doing. Becasue, if i try to find joy in the work i am doing, then i will start hating myself.So, this is what i have to offer. Lets see how long i last here.